Voir la source de Utilisateur:InProgress/Same-sex attraction/Can the Church welcome gay people while teaching against same-sex relationships

The church does ask a lot of its gay members, but a lot is asked of straight members as well. The counsel of the church to gay members might seem harsh to those unfamiliar with the counsel given to the membership of the church in general.  The follow chart compares some of the counsel given to gay members versus that given to the general membership of the church.

== Same-sex relationships ==
Some feel that the church's stance on same-sex relationships is harmful to people with same-sex attractions.  They argue that a gay person's sexual orientation is innate and immutable, that it is unreasonable to ask them not to seek out homosexual relationships, and that repressing these attractions has a severe negative impact on a person's well-being.  They teach that pursuing same-sex relationships is the only way for gay people to be well adjusted, and any teaching to the contrary is damaging to a gay person's well-being.

=== Discrepancy between same-sex relationships and same-sex attraction ===

While it is true that most people have little or no choice over their sexual orientation{{ref|apa1}}, it is not true that one's sexual orientation dictates one's sexual behavior, nor one's sexual identity.  These three areas are not as highly coordinated as one might think.  Studies in the area show significant discrepancies between orientation, behavior and identity.  The American Psychological Association clarifies: "Sexual orientation is different from sexual behavior because it refers to feelings and self-concept. Individuals may or may not express their sexual orientation in their behaviors."{{ref|apa1}}  

One of the most comprehensive studies in the United States was done by the Social Organization of Sexuality.  They found that out of 131 women and 108 men in their survey who self-reported same-sex attraction, only 43 men (40%) and 42 women (32%) had a homosexual experience. {{ref|laumann}}  

The large discrepancies between sexual orientation, identity and behavior is one of the reasons why it is difficult to get accurate measures on people who deal with homosexuality.  While the numbers vary from one study to the next, the numbers consistently show that there are significantly more people with same-sex attractions than those who have had a homosexual experience.  That would indicate that the teachings of the church on same-sex relationships is consistent with the practices of a significant number of people with same-sex attractions.

=== Fluidity of sexuality ===

In addition to the population that have never had a homosexual experience, there are also people who have stopped or will stop having homosexual relationships, some of whom have also reported that they have no current attraction to the same sex. The study indicated that of the 4.9% of men and 4.1% of women who have ever had a homosexual experience since the age of 18, only 2.7% of men and 1.3% of women had one in the last year.  This means that most people who have participated have already stopped. From these, and other findings, the American Psychiatric Association concluded "some people believe that sexual orientation is innate and fixed; however, sexual orientation develops across a person’s lifetime". {{ref|apa2000}}

This might not follow the impression that most people have about gay people.  Looking deeper into the survey might indicate why.  The same survey found that 96% of women and 87% of men with a homosexual or bisexual identity have had sex with someone of the same sex.  This indicates that the sexual behaviors of openly gay people are not reflective of the gay population at large.  Because openly gay people are more open about their sexual orientation and behaviors, this has led many people to incorrectly believe that their sexual behaviors are reflective of the larger gay population.  This misconception has lead many to believe that gay people either cannot or do not want to live a lifestyle that is consistent with the church's teaching.  However, evidence indicates a sizable number already do or will sometime in the future.

=== Rejecting a gay identity ===

Most of the people with same-sex attractions who have not had a homosexual experience also do not identity as gay.  Critics argue that it is not healthy for homosexual people to reject a gay identity or suppress their homosexual attractions.  They argue that the only way to be well-adjusted is to come out as a gay person.  There is a significant movement to try to "out" people who reject a gay identity,{{ref|outrage}} and there are massive protests at any organization that seeks to help people with same-sex attractions that do not accept the gay identity.{{ref|two}}

Because of the massive opposition to people who want to reject a gay identity, a task force set up by the APA investigated the matter.  They found that there is no clear harm in denying a gay identity.  They found that for some people, a religious identity was stronger than their sexual identity, and instructed counselors not to preclude the goal of celibacy, but to help clients determine their own goals in therapy, and that together with support groups, the therapy can change a client's sexual orientation identity.  Dr. Glassgold, the leader of the taskforce, summarized the findings by saying that there has been little research about the long-term effects of rejecting a gay identity, but there is "no clear evidence of harm" and "some people seem to be content with that path."{{ref|simon}}

Although there is no harm in denying a gay identity, the church does not require gay members to deny their sexual orientation.  What is required is members follow the law of chastity.  Elder Wickman teaches that sexual orientation is a core element of one's identity, but not the only one.{{ref|oaks07}}  All members of the church have made a covenant to take upon themselves the name of Christ.  For members of the Church, taking upon themselves the name of Christ supersedes all other identities, whether gay or straight.

Obviously there is a strong relationship between being gay and having same-sex relationships.  There is also a strong relationship between being straight and having a child out of wedlock, which the church also teaches against.  However, it is neither unreasonable nor unhealthy for a gay person to follow the church's law of chastity, just like it is neither unreasonable nor unhealthy for a straight person to follow it.  Both homosexuality and heterosexuality are natural variations of human sexuality,{{ref|apa}} but in order to become a saint of the latter-days, one must put off the natural man, and submit to the enticings of the Holy Ghost. (Mosiah 3:18)  Latter-day saints are asked to serve God, which precludes serving one's own sexual desires, be it gay or straight.  It is a sacrifice for both gay and straight people to put off the natural man and serve God, but Joseph Smith teaches that a religion that does not require the sacrifice of all things cannot produce the faith necessary to achieve eternal life.  The promise of the gospel is peace in this life and eternal life in the next, and that is the greatest gift that anyone can receive, whether they be gay or straight.

== Higher standard ==
Some critics argue that while both gay and straight members must obey the church's law of chastity, gay members are discriminated against because they are expected to live a higher standard.  They argue that the teaching that gay people must control homosexual feelings is unrealistic.  They argue that the law of chastity is discriminatory because straight members can find companionship and fulfillment through marriage, while gay members cannot because the church does not recognize same-sex marriages.

=== Opportunity for marriage ===

While same-sex attraction is most definitely an obstacle in creating a fulfilling marriage, it is not a barrier. To say that gay people cannot find fulfillment in marriage is extreme. One study indicated that 20% of gay men are currently married to a woman, some of whom find their marriages to be fulfilling.{{ref|moore}}{{ref|GayMormonMarried}}  Fulfillment in marriage is not solely based on sexual attraction, and sexual attraction is not solely based on sexual orientation.  While many gay people do not want to marry, others do develop a love for an opposite-sex partner and go on to have a fulfilling marriage.  Sexual orientation is only small part in sexual attraction, and sexual attraction is only a small part in marital fulfillment.

Marriage may not be the appropriate course of action for everyone, and the Church has warned against entering into a marriage before one is ready.  However, there are circumstances in which the church supports marriage for gay people.  Elder Oaks explains:

"Persons who have cleansed themselves of any transgression and who have shown their ability to deal with these feelings or inclinations and put them in the background, and feel a great attraction for a daughter of God and therefore desire to enter marriage and have children and enjoy the blessings of eternity — that’s a situation when marriage would be appropriate."{{ref|oaks07}}

=== Pressure to get married ===

=== Being single in a family-centered church ===

Critics argue that gay people who chose to be celibate can never really be accepted in a church which is so focused on the family.  While some gay people may have a fulfilling marriage, there are many gay members of the church for whom marriage is not a realistic option.  Elder Holland teaches "For various reasons, marriage and children are not immediately available to all. Perhaps no offer of marriage is forthcoming. Perhaps even after marriage there is an inability to have children. Or perhaps there is no present attraction to the opposite gender. Whatever the reason, God’s richest blessings will eventually be available to all of His children if they are clean and faithful."{{ref|holland07}}

It is true that having same-sex attractions presents an additional challenge for gay members to find fulfillment in a marriage which straight members do not have to deal with.  However, gay people are not the only ones who have a challenge in forming a fulfilling marriage.  Elder Oaks explains: "That's not a unique problem to homosexuals. One of the largest demographic problems we have in the Church are single women, divorced, never married, widowed. They've got the same problem. It is difficult for them and we're doing what we can to make singles feel more at home. But in the eternities the family relationship is the thing that we're most interested in. But we don't condemn the person who's single now. We say, work for that destiny." {{ref|oaks86}}

Critics also argue that being single is an additional burden for gay people who wish to remain faithful in the church.  Elder Oaks responds "Every person who is single who has a sex drive and is not able to satisfy that outside the bonds of marriage with out being in transgression is carrying a burden. That burden is carried by homosexuals and it's carried by heterosexuals. It's a lesser burden for a person who does not have such a strong sex drive. But it's a burden in any event, and it's not unique to the homosexual." {{ref|oaks86}}

Celibacy is required for all single people, no matter what reason they give for not being able to get married.  Both gay and straight people have been able to find joy and happiness in single life.

=== Controlling homosexual feelings ===

In a 2007 interview, Elder Oaks taught "Homosexual feelings are controllable. Perhaps there is an inclination or susceptibility to such feelings that is a reality for some and not a reality for others. But out of such susceptibilities come feelings, and feelings are controllable."{{ref|oaks07}}

Critics of the church argue that teaching that members should control homosexual feelings goes beyond asking members to control their behavior.  They argue that being gay means having homosexual feelings, and by not accepting homosexual feelings, the church in reality is not accepting gay people.

The church does not just ask members to control homosexual feelings, but all feelings, including heterosexual feelings.  It is important not to misinterpret Elder Oaks.  He is not saying that homosexual feelings are chosen, but that they must be controlled even if one did not chose to have them in the first place.{{ref|oaks95}}  The church teaches all member that they should "never do anything outside of marriage to arouse the powerful emotions that must be expressed only in marriage."  This includes a commandment for all unmarried people to "control our thoughts" and "not participate in conversations or activities that arouse sexual feelings, such as passionate kissing, lying with or on top of another person, or touching the private, sacred parts of another person's body, with or without clothing."{{ref|chastity}}  The commandment for unmarried people not to "arouse sexual feelings" applies equally to gay and straight people.

Elder Oaks said "Jesus taught that to look on a woman and lust after her is a sin. And everyone is encouraged to control their feelings, heterosexual or homosexual. That's part of the gospel of Jesus Christ. People who act out those feelings, whether they're homosexual or heterosexual, are in danger of Church discipline. The Church discourages them, calls them to repentance, works with them, counsels them and ultimately disciplines them if necessary." {{ref|oaks86}} Surely, it would be just as natural for a straight man to have heterosexual feelings for a woman as it is for a gay person to have homosexual feelings for someone of the same sex, but both have been commanded to learn to control their sexual feelings.

== Homosexual problems ==
While discussing homosexuality on an interview with Larry King, President Hinckley said that "Well, we're not anti-gay.  We are pro-family.  Let me put it that way. And we love these people and try to work with them and help them. We know they have a problem. We want to help them solve that problem."{{ref|larryking04}}  Critics of the church argue that by saying that gay people have problems, the church places a stigma on them.  

It is important to understand exactly what homosexual problems are.  It is more than simply having a homosexual orientation.  A 1992 publication by the Church gives the following definition of homosexual problems: "Homosexual problems include erotic thoughts, feelings, and behavior directed toward persons of the same sex."{{ref|lds92}}  The Church teaches both gay and straight members to "never do anything outside of marriage to arouse the powerful emotions that must be expressed only in marriage".{{ref|chastity}}  Gay people are not the only ones that have erotic thoughts, feelings, and behaviors outside of marriage.  Elder Nelson explains that "Every person on this planet has personal challenges. Some have challenges with same-sex attraction, some have problems with opposite-gender attraction that have to be controlled."{{ref|mormonismmodern}}

In an interview about same-sex attraction, Elder Oaks responded to an interviewer's question about homosexuality: "Everyone has some challenges they have to struggle with. You’ve described a particular kind of challenge that is very vexing. It is common in our society and it has also become politicized. But it’s only one of a host of challenges men and women have to struggle with."

Like straight people, gay people also have problems, and depend upon the grace and mercy of Jesus Christ.  That is the basis of the Church's belief, and there is no reason to suppose why it would be any different for gay people.

== Inappropriate sexual advances ==
In October General Conference of 1976, Elder Packer gave a speech on morality in the priesthood session.  In it, he talks about homosexuality and encourages young men to "vigorously resist" any males "who entice young men to join them in these immoral acts."  He tells of a missionary who was concerned when he had "floored" his companion for making unwanted advances on him.  He told the missionary, "Well, thanks. Somebody had to do it, and it wouldn't be well for a General Authority to solve the problem that way."  He then recounts, "I am not recommending that course to you, but I am not omitting it. You must protect yourself."  This was later published and distributed in a pamphlet called "To Young Men Only".{{ref|packer76}}

Dr. Quinn argues that by counting this story, Elder Packer is endorsing a form of gay-bashing, and that by republishing the story, the church itself endorses gay-bashing.{{ref|quinn}}

It is doubtful that Elder Packer was approving of gay bashing.  He was probably condemning inappropriate sexual advances, regardless of the gender or sexual orientation of the perpetrator.  Earlier he had taught: "Never let anyone handle you or touch those very personal parts of your body which are an essential link in the ongoing of creation."{{ref|packer72}}  His language against gey people who make inappropriate sexual advances was no different than against straight people who likewise make inappropriate sexual advances. He is no more endorsing gay-bashing then straight-bashing.  Later, in response to accusations that the church rejects gay people, he answered "We understand why some feel we reject them. That is not true. We do not reject you, only immoral behavior."{{ref|packer01}}  By looking at these two quotes, it becomes apparent that Elder Packer does not reject gay people, but only rejects the behavior of making inappropriate sexual advances, regardless of the sexual orientation.

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}}
#{{note|packer}} Packer [http://lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=67d1a1615ac0c010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&hideNav=1 Ye Are the Temple of God]
#{{note|packer72}}{{Citation
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|authorlink=Boyd K. Packer
|title=The Message: Why Stay Morally Clean
|date=July 1972
|year=1972
|periodical=New Era
|pages=4
|publisher=LDS Church
|url=http://lds.org/portal/site/LDSOrg/menuitem.b12f9d18fae655bb69095bd3e44916a0/?vgnextoid=024644f8f206c010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&sourceId=338f18e7c379b010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____
}}.
#{{note|packer76}}{{Citation
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|first=Boyd K.
|authorlink=Boyd K. Packer
|title=To Young Men Only: General Conference Priesthood Session, [[October 2]], [[1976]]
|year=1976
|publisher=LDS Church
|url=http://www.lds-mormon.com/only.shtml
}}.
#{{note|packer78}}{{Citation
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|authorlink=Boyd K. Packer
|title=To the One: Address given to the Twelve Stake Fireside, Brigham Young University, March 5, 1978
|year=1978
|publisher=LDS Church
|url=http://www.lds-mormon.com/tto.shtml
}}.
#{{note|park}}{{Citation
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|title= Resolving Homosexual Problems: A Guide for LDS Men
|url= http://centurypubl.com/Resolving_Homosexual_Problems_LDS_Men.htm
|accessdate= 2009-07-30
|year= 1997
|publisher= Century Publishing
|location= Salt Lake City, Utah
|isbn= 9780941846066
|oclc= 38855822
}}.
#{{note|quinn}}D. Michael Quinn, [http://www.affirmation.org/learning/prelude.shtml "Prelude to the National 'Defense of Marriage' Campaign: Civil Discrimination Against Feared or Despised Minorities"], ''[[Dialogue: A Journal of Mormon Thought]]'', '''33''':3, p. 1-52 (2001)
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|title=The Atonement Can Secure Your Peace and Happiness
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}}.
#{{note|simon}}STEPHANIE SIMON [http://online.wsj.com/article/SB124950491516608883.html#articleTabs%3Darticle A New Therapy on Faith and Sexual Identity : Psychological Association Revises Treatment Guidelines to Allow Counselors to Help Clients Reject Their Same-Sex Attractions]
#{{note|robinson}}{{cite journal |publisher=American Psychological Association |journal= Professional Psychology: Research and Practice |title= Initial empirical and clinical findings concerning the change process for ex-gays |url= http://www.drthrockmorton.com/article.asp?id=1 |date= June 2002 |volume= 33 |number= 3 |pages= 242–248 |last= Throckmorton |first= Warren |doi= 10.1037/0735-7028.33.3.242 }}
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#{{note|Savin-Williams}} Savin-Williams RC, Ream GL. [http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17195103?ordinalpos=7&itool=EntrezSystem2.PEntrez.Pubmed.Pubmed_ResultsPanel.Pubmed_DefaultReportPanel.Pubmed_RVDocSum Prevalence and stability of sexual orientation components during adolescence and young adulthood.]
#{{note|Seligman}}p. 156, Seligman, Martin E.P., ''What You Can Change and What You Can't: The Complete Guide to Self Improvement'' Knopf, 1993; ISBN 0-679-41024-4
#{{note|westboro1}}{{cite news |url= http://www.deseretnews.com/article/1,5143,695248839,00.html |title= Church group plans protest at Pres. Hinckley's funeral |first= Jared |last= Page |date= January 31 2008 |publisher= ''Deseret Morning News'' }}
#{{note|honorcode2}}{{cite news |url= http://deseretnews.com/dn/view/0,1249,660205345,00.html |title= Y. urged to clarify its policy on gays |date= March 22, 2007 |last= Walch |first= Tad}}
#{{note|westboro2}}{{cite news |url= http://www.sltrib.com/ci_8210106 |title= Kirby: My surprise at finding that I belong to a gay church |first= Robert |last= Kirby |publisher= ''Salt Lake Tribune'' }}</ref>
#{{note|PlaceInTheKingdom}}[http://centurypubl.com/Place_Kingdom_Same_Sex_Attraction.htm ''A Place in the Kingdom: Spiritual Insights from Latter-day Saints about Same-Sex Attraction.'']
#{{note|suicide}}Wichstrøm L, Hegna K. [http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/12653422?ordinalpos=22&itool=EntrezSystem2.PEntrez.Pubmed.Pubmed_ResultsPanel.Pubmed_DefaultReportPanel.Pubmed_RVDocSum Sexual orientation and suicide attempt: a longitudinal study of the general Norwegian adolescent population.]
#{{note|yarhouse}} Yarhouse MA. [http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16281794?ordinalpos=13&itool=EntrezSystem2.PEntrez.Pubmed.Pubmed_ResultsPanel.Pubmed_DefaultReportPanel.Pubmed_RVDocSum Same-sex attraction, homosexual orientation, and gay identity: a three-tier distinction for counseling and pastoral care]
#{{note|two}}[http://www.truthwinsout.org Truth Wins Out]
#{{note|outrage}}[http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=103875747 White-Hot 'Outrage' Over The Capitol Hill Closet]
#{{note|GayMormonMarried}} [http://www.rickross.com/reference/mormon/mormon336.html Gay, Mormon, Married]