Utilisateur:InProgress/Same-sex attraction

"Love thy neighbor as thyself" is one of the two great commandments in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. No teaching and no commandment conflicts with this law. We believe all mankind are our brothers and sisters. All who are baptized into the Church have made a covenant to "mourn with those who mourn", and "comfort those who stand in need of comfort". (Mosiah 18:9) This is especially true of our brothers and sisters who are attracted to the same gender,^[1] including those who refer to themselves as gay or lesbian.

We welcome these brothers and sisters into the Church, and affirm them as good people. We seek to help them and advocate their cause. We seek to bring them peace, empower them to make decisions that will help them attain happiness in this life, including the decision to abstain from same-sex relationships. We also help them by respecting their decision even if that includes disobeying the commandments of God.

The Church is welcoming

The Church welcomes all people to come unto Christ. President Hinckley has specifically extended this welcome to those who refer to themselves as gays and lesbians. In 1999, he made the following statement:

"As I said from this pulpit one year ago, our hearts reach out to those who refer to themselves as gays and lesbians. We love and honor them as sons and daughters of God. They are welcome in the Church." ^[2]

Like all of God's children, the Church teaches that people who refer to themselves as gay are beloved sons and daughters of God and are loved by the Church and its leaders. This love has always been extended by leaders of the Church. In one of the Church's first pamphlets geared towards homosexuality, President Kimball reminds the readers to "Remember, the Lord loves you, the Church loves you."^[3]

The Church has developed several publications designed to reach out to members with same-sex attractions. The most recent, God Loveth His Children, assures that "No one is, or ever could be, excluded from the circle of God’s love or the extended arms of His Church, for we are all His beloved sons and daughters."^[4] Elder Oaks similarly stated: "Church leaders are sometimes asked whether there is any place in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for persons with homosexual or lesbian susceptibilities or feelings. Of course there is." ^[5]

Many are faithful members of the Church, as evidenced by the several organizations formed by these members, such as Evergreen International and North Star. LDS Family Services estimates that there are four or five members in every unit of the Church who are attracted to the same sex.^[6] Their stories have been profiled in the Ensign^[7], and several books published by Church members.^[8] General Authorities attend Evergreen meetings, and the proceedings are published on the Church's web site.^[9]

The church welcomes all people, whether they refer to themselves as gay or straight. Many who refer to themselves as gay have accepted this invitation and have joined the church and have reported finding peace in serving the Lord.

We welcome while teaching against same-sex relationships

Everyone is welcome to participate in our services, but to be a member one must first make a covenant to follow the commandments of God. Jesus Christ taught that we should abstain from fornication and adultery.^[10] This includes all relationships besides those between a husband and a wife. People with same-sex attractions are subject to these laws as much as those with opposite-sex attractions. You cannot have a same-sex relationship without disobeying the commandments given to us by Jesus Christ. We are not at liberty to change the law for a segment of the population. We will continue to defend this standard and the definition that marriage is between a man and a woman.

Those who refer to themselves as gay are not necessariliy having same-sex relationships. Gay is an adjective that can refer to thoughts, attractions or behaviors.^[11] A study by the Social Organization of Sexuality found that 60% of men and 68% of women who were attracted to the same gender have never had a homosexual experience. For the people who identify as gay, lesbian or bisexual, the number drops to 13% of men and 4% of women. From studies like these, the American Psychological Association has determined that "Sexual orientation is different from sexual behavior because it refers to feelings and self-concept. Individuals may or may not express their sexual orientation in their behaviors."^[12]

Because of the strong correlation between identifying as gay or lesbian and having homosexual relationships, many members of the church who are attracted to the same gender do not refer to themselves as gay, and the Church avoids the usage. For members of the church, our main identity is not the gender we are attracted to, but the fact that we are sons or daughters of God. As such, the Church does not refer to people as either gay or straight. Some may chose to continue to refer to themselves as gay or straight and they are welcome in the church.

The Church is affirming

The church affirms that those with same-sex attraction are good people including those who refer to themselves as gay and seeks to assure them that they can find peace and happiness in this life. In an interview with the San Jose Mercury News, President Hinckley stated:

"Now we have gays in the church. Good people."^[13]

Not all members who identify as gay have felt this. Elder Holland recounts the story of one man who was concerned that because he was gay, he could not be a good member of the church. Elder Holland affirmed that he had not transgressed, and promised:

"If your life is in harmony with the commandments, then you are worthy to serve in the Church, enjoy full fellowship with the members, attend the temple, and receive all the blessings of the Savior’s Atonement."^[14]

Church leaders have not limited their affirmation to those who keep the standards of the Church. In the "Miracle of Forgiveness", Spencer W. Kimball said that he found that men who were pursuing same-sex relationships were "basically good people who have become trapped in sin."^[15]

This affirmation is important as many people with same-sex attraction may feel that they are not good people. By assuring people with same-sex attractions that they are good people, the church affirms them in their identity as children of God. Instruction given to Church leaders exaplains: "When members with homosexual problems come to you for help, they may feel guilty and in despair, having been unable to change their lives. You can instill hope in them. Help them to know that you and their Heavenly Father love them and that they can be healed from their afflictions through the atonement of the Savior."^[16]

The leaders of the Church understand and support its members with same-sex attractions. They recognize that some may face struggles with their same-sex attractions. In reference to a man whose same-sex attractions have caused a struggle, Elder Holland said "I weep with admiration and respect at the faith and courage of such a man who is living with a challenge I have never faced. I love him and the thousands like him, male or female, who 'fight the good fight' (1 Timothy 6:12). I commend his attitude to all who struggle with—or who are helping others who struggle with—same-gender attraction." ^[17]

The Church is helpful

The church seeks to help all people, including those with same-sex attractions. President Hinckley explains:

"Well, we're not anti-gay. We are pro-family. Let me put it that way. And we love these people and try to work with them and help them."^[18]

This call of duty of members to help all people extend in special force to people who are struggling, including those who may find their same-sex attractions to be a struggle. Elder Oaks taught "All should understand that persons (and their family members) struggling with the burden of same-sex attraction are in special need of the love and encouragement that is a clear responsibility of Church members, who have signified by covenant their willingness "to bear one another’s burdens" (Mosiah 18:8) "and so fulfil the law of Christ" (Gal. 6:2)."^[19]

There are many ways in which the Church helps those with same-sex attractions. The Church has sought to protect people from physical and verbal abuse regardless of their choice in sexual conduct. Elder Oaks taught "Our doctrines obviously condemn those who engage in so-called "gay bashing""—physical or verbal attacks on persons thought to be involved in homosexual or lesbian behavior."^[20]

Beyond simply teaching this doctrine, the Church has advocated for legal protections for people regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity. This is significant because the Church only gets involved in politics if serious moral issues are involved.^[21] When Salt Lake City asked the Church for its opinion on an ordinance which would protect people from housing and employment discrimination based on sexual orientation, the Church supported the measure. In the official statement, they said it was a "common-sense right" and a question of "human dignity".^[22] Elder Holland said it could be a model for the rest of Utah.^[23] This was done even though the Utah legislature, at the time, was against extending such rights.

The Church also helps people with same-sex attractions by steering them away from destructive patterns. The Church helps them to see that they shouldn't blame themselves for their sexual orientation.^[24] The leadership has warned against aversive therapies that have been used on people with same-sex attractions which have been shown to be abusive by the scientific field.^[25] They have spoken out against using marriage as a therapeutic step to change sexual orientation,^[26] while at the same time supporting those who want to get married to someone for whom they have developed an attraction.^[27] They have warned leaders that "encouraging members to cultivate heterosexual feelings as a way to resolve homosexual problems generally leads them to frustration and discouragement."^[28] They have assured members that having same-sex attractions is not a sin^[29] and if they remain faithful they can receive all the blessings that Heavenly Father has promised His children, with no requirement to change sexual orientation.^[30]

Most important, the teachings of the Church on homosexuality help people with same-sex attractions to obey the commandments of God and find peace in their lives. Directing his comments to men who pursue same-sex relationships, Spencer W. Kimball taught "the Church and the Lord have no ulterior motives - the only desire being for the restoration of you, yourself, a son of God, made in his image".^[31]

The Church helps them find peace

The mission of the Church is to invite all people unto Christ. We believe that this is one of the fundamental ways in which we can serve our brothers and sisters. We believe we can come closer to Christ by taking upon us His name through the covenant of baptism, which includes a covenant to obey His commandments. Teaching and encouraging our brothers and sisters to obey the teachings of Christ is an important part in bringing them to Christ. This is the greatest good we can do for our brothers and sisters, and what will bring them the greatest joy.

The path that leads to eternal life is straight and narrow, but we want as many of our brothers and sisters to find that path as possible. Christ taught against fornication and adultery, and that includes all sexual relationships besides those between a husband and a wife. We teach and encourage all to obey this commandment, as part of our duty to bring them to Christ. Elder Oaks explains the natural consequences if we do not follow the law of chastity: "Those commandments, if they are not adhered to, result in guilt. That guilt is painful to people. There are two solutions to that guilt. One is to disbelieve in God or hold a congress and pretend that you can change God's commandments. The other is to discontinue that kind of conduct to the best of your ability."^[32] Elder Oaks teaches there are two approaches to deal with guilt. Our approach of promoting the commandments of the Lord will help alleviate the guilt people feel when they break the commandments of God, and does more to help someone feel good then attempting to change the commandments.

There are people who feel that by promoting this higher moral code, the Church rejects people—including those who engage in homosexual practices—who choose to not follow this law. Elder Packer responded to this concern by saying:

"We understand why some feel we reject them. That is not true. We do not reject you, only immoral behavior. We cannot reject you, for you are the sons and daughters of God. We will not reject you, because we love you. You may even feel that we do not love you. That also is not true. Parents know, and one day you will know, that there are times when parents and we who lead the Church must extend tough love when failing to teach and to warn and to discipline is to destroy." ^[33]

There are many members with same-sex attractions who want to live this higher moral code and find that the teachings of the Church are encouraging. This is one of the reasons why the Church teaches its members to abstain from same-sex relationships. Elder Wickman explains: "One of the purposes of that discussion was to try to be hopeful and encouraging to those who do but nonetheless want to conform their lives to what they understand the Lord's teachings to be."^[34]

Joseph Smith once taught that a religion that does not require the sacrifice of all things cannot produce the faith necessary for salvation. Certainly, we would want as many people to be able to produce the faith necessary for salvation as possible. If we teach that people with opposite-sex attractions need to be willing to sacrifice their sexual desires, but not people with same-sex attractions, then we are doing a diservice to those with same-sex attractions.

The Church is empowering

An essential part of obeying the commandments is having the faith that you are capable of obeying the commandments. We believe all people are capable of obeying the commandments of God.(1 Nephi 3:7) Unfortunately, too often people are told they are incapable of obeying the commandments of God. This limits their capabilities and prevents them from obtaining the peace that comes through obedience. By ensuring people that they are capable of obedience, we empower them to make their own decision. This enables them to chose whether or not to obey the commandments of God.

Many believe that people with same-sex attractions are incapable of abstaining from same-sex relationships, which by extension means they are incapable of obeying God's commandments. They preach the doctrine that people who they refer to as gay or lesbian are created with only one choice about their sexual behavior. For example, in the Californian Supreme Court case "In Re: Marriage", the court ruled that being gay was something "into which the class members are locked by the accident of birth" and that their "choice of a life partner will, by definition, be a person of the same sex."^[35] They leave no room for a person they identified as gay to make a decision that would be in harmony with gospel, which by entension implies that some people were born to disobey God. This thought is very harmful to those who refer to themselves as gay or lesbian. They may come to believe that the have no power over their sexual urges, and the only choice is to act on them. Those who do not want to pursue same-sex relationships are told that option is not available to them. Those who are married to someone of the opposite sex or who wish to be are told mixed-orientation marriages are doomed. This can cause them to feel trapped and bring feelings of hopelessness and despair.

Psychologists have found that it is unhealthy to prevent a person from living according to their values. They found that telling them they are incapable of living according to their values interfers with their autonomy and self-determination, which is a key element to a successful resolution in therapy.^[36] The American Psychological Association has instructed psychologists to help clients make their own informed choices when they come to them for help with unwanted same-sex attractions. They are to support them in living according to their own values, even if this means helping them change their sexual orientation identity.^[37]

The message of the Church to all people is that "ye are free, ye are permitted to act for yourselves." (Helaman 14:30) While we teach against sexual relationships outside of a heterosexual marriage, we also teach that all are free to chose good or evil. We uphold that each individual is free to chose their own values according to the dictates of their own concious (AoF 12), and advocate their free exercise to act according to those values. (D&C 134:2) The ability to chose is considered one of the most precious gifts given from God to man. We fought a war in heaven to protect this agency. If someone who refers to themself as gay or lesbian is told and comes to believe that they are incapable of following the commandments of God, then they do not truly have the ability to chose for themselves. They have lost their agency. This is not God's plan for His children.

God Loveth His Children affirms that everyone has a choice in their sexual behavior and they are capable of living the commandments of God. It reads: "Notwithstanding your present same-gender attractions, you can be happy during this life, lead a morally clean life, perform meaningful service in the Church, enjoy full fellowship with your fellow Saints, and ultimately receive all the blessings of eternal life."^[38]

While other organizations say that people with same-sex attractions are incapable of obeying the laws of God, the Church tells them that they can. This empowers them. The Church teaches that they are in control of their destiny, and they can make of their life what they want.

The Church helps family members

Another way the Church extends a helping hand to people who are attracted to the same sex is by supporting their families. They encourage family members to love and reach out to their family members, regardless of how they chose to live their lives. In a 1992 statement to Church leaders, the Church counseled: "If a person with homosexual problems chooses not to change, family members may have difficulty maintaining feelings of love and acceptance toward the person. Encourage them to continue loving the person and hoping that he or she may repent." ^[39]

This was reiterated by Elder Oaks in 1997: "Surely if we are counseled as a body of Church membership to reach out with love and understanding to those ‘struggling with these issues,’ that obligation rests with particular intensity on parents who have children struggling with these issues... even children who are engaged in sinful behavior associated with these issues" ^[40]

The Church helps family members to balance their love for their children who chose not to obey God's commandments and their love for God and devotion to His commandments. Elder Oaks explains: "Love and tolerance are incomplete unless they are accompanied by a concern for truth and a commitment to the unity God has commanded of his servants... Carried to an undisciplined excess, love and tolerance can produce indifference to truth and justice, and opposition to unity."^[41]

Families with members with same-sex attractions are strengthened through living the principles of love and respect taught by Jesus Christ and reiterated in the Proclamation to the World on the Family.^[42] The sister of a woman (Leigh) who is involved in a sexual relationship with another woman wrote an "Ensign" article in which she describes how the Church has helped her with her relationship with her sister. "I know the best thing I can do to have a close relationship with my sister is to have a close relationship with Heavenly Father and His Son. Leigh recently commented that it has been through the way our family has loved her that she has felt what she understood to be God’s love." ^[43]

One of the best services that we can perform for our brothers and sisters is to help them feel the love of God through our actions. This can be done while holding strong to the teachings of the gospel.

The church is respectful

By empowering people with same-sex attraction to make their own decision regarding their sexual behavior, some will decide of their own free will and choice not to obey the standards of the church and hence disqualify themselves from membership in the Church. We respect their decision. However, respecting their decision does not require the church to agree with their decision, which would mean we would have to disagree with the decision of those who have chosen to deal with same-sex attractions in a manner consistent with the teachings Christ left during his mortal ministry. Elder Oaks taught:

"Tolerance obviously requires a non-contentious manner of relating toward one another’s differences. But tolerance does not require abandoning one’s standards or one’s opinions on political or public policy choices. Tolerance is a way of reacting to diversity, not a command to insulate it from examination."^[44]

While we may disagree with the decision to pursue same-sex relationships, we always strive to uplift those who chose that and show kindness to them. For example, the Church has always been supportive of civil rights for all people.^[45] This includes those who chose to enter same-sex relationships. We do not oppose any civil rights, including those regarding hospitalization and medical care, fair housing and employment rights, or probate rights.^[46] (The Church does not consider same-sex marriage to be a civil right.)^[47] The statement showing support for the Salt Lake anti-discrimination bill reads "I represent a church that believes in human dignity, in treating others with respect even when we disagree - in fact, especially when we disagree. The Church’s past statements are on the public record for all to see. In these comments and in our actions, we try to follow what Jesus Christ taught. Our language will always be respectful and acknowledge those who differ, but will also be clear on matters that we feel are of great consequence to our society."^[48]

By always showing love and respect to those we disagree with while holding firm to the teachings Christ left us during His mortal ministry, the Church balances its duty to show love to God by defending and proclaiming His commandments; its duty to welcome, affirm and help those with same-sex attractions who may want to obey the commandments of God; and its duty to love our neighbor, regardless of the choices they make. The actions of the Church have consistently been based in love for those with same-sex attractions, including those who refer to themselves as gay or lesbian.

Endnotes

1. [retour]  1995 Dallin H. Oaks Statement, Official Site of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
2. [retour] Hinckley, Gordon B. (Nov 1999). Why We Do Some of the Things We Do. Ensign.
3. [retour] God Loveth His Children, off-site
4. [retour]  1995 Dallin H. Oaks Statement, Official Site of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
5. [retour]  Evergreen International Resources for Individuals
6. [retour] For example, see Becoming Whole Again and My Battle with Same-Sex Attraction
7. [retour]  - Elder Bruce C. Hafen Speaks on Same-Sex Attraction - LDS Newsroom
8. [retour] Kimball, Spencer W., (1971), New Horizons for Homosexuals LDS Church off-site .
9. [retour]  1998 What Are People Asking about Us? Gordon B. Hinckley, Official Site of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Retrieved on September 28, 2007.
10. [retour] Lattin, Don, (1997), Musings of the Main Mormon: Gordon B. Hinckley off-site
11. [retour] Kimball, Spencer W., (1969), The Miracle of Forgiveness Bookcraft
12. [retour]  Holland, Jeffrey R., (2007), Helping Those Who Struggle with Same-Gender Attraction off-site
13. [retour]  (1992), Understanding and Helping Those Who Have Homosexual Problems: Suggestions for Ecclesiastical Leaders , Salt Lake City, Utah: LDS Church off-site .
14. [retour] 1995 Dallin H. Oaks Statement, Official Site of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
15. [retour]  1998 What Are People Asking about Us? Gordon B. Hinckley, Official Site of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Retrieved on September 28, 2007.
16. [retour]  Statement Given to Salt Lake City Council on Nondiscrimination Ordinances
17. [retour]  LDS apostle: SLC gay-rights measures could work for state
18. [retour] #1995 Dallin H. Oaks Statement, Official Site of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
19. [retour] Holland, Jeffrey R., (2007), Helping Those Who Struggle with Same-Gender Attraction off-site
20. [retour] Wickman, Lance B., (2007), Same-Gender Attraction , Salt Lake City, Utah: LDS Church off-site
21. [retour] Hinckley, Gordon B., (1987), Reverence and Morality off-site
22. [retour]  (1992), Understanding and Helping Those Who Have Homosexual Problems: Suggestions for Ecclesiastical Leaders , Salt Lake City, Utah: LDS Church off-site .
23. [retour] Wickman, Lance B., (2007), Same-Gender Attraction , Salt Lake City, Utah: LDS Church off-site
24. [retour] Holland, Jeffrey R., (2007), Helping Those Who Struggle with Same-Gender Attraction off-site
25. [retour]  (1992), Understanding and Helping Those Who Have Homosexual Problems: Suggestions for Ecclesiastical Leaders , Salt Lake City, Utah: LDS Church off-site .
26. [retour] Wickman, Lance B., (2007), Same-Gender Attraction , Salt Lake City, Utah: LDS Church off-site
27. [retour]  (1995), The Family: A Proclamation to the World , Salt Lake City, Utah: LDS Church .
28. [retour] “The Best Thing I Can Do for Leigh,” Ensign, Sep 2009, 62–65
29. [retour]   ^[ATTENTION!]
30. [retour]  Packer Ye Are the Temple of God
31. [retour]  In Focus: Mormonism in Modern America off-site Every person on this planet has personal challenges. Some have challenges with same-sex attraction, some have problems with opposite-gender attraction that have to be controlled.
32. [retour] God Loveth His Children, off-site
33. [retour]  New Horizons

1. [retour]  In re MARRIAGE CASES
2. [retour]  (2009), Report of the American Psychological Association Task Force on Appropriate Therapeutic Responses to Sexual Orientation off-site
3. [retour]  (2004), A Conversation with Gordon B. Hinckley, President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints off-site
4. [retour]  (2004), In Quiet Desperation: Understanding the Challenge of Same-gender Attraction Deseret Book off-site .
5. [retour] A Place in the Kingdom: Spiritual Insights from Latter-day Saints about Same-Sex Attraction.
6. [retour]  There have been several studies which have investigated the effects of gay affirmative therapies on clients whose religious values go contrary to the ideals of gay affirmative therapy. For example, see Beckstead, A. Lee , "Mormon Clients’ Experiences of Conversion Therapy", The Counseling Psychologist 651–690 Throckmorton, Warren , "Counseling practices as they relate to ratings of helpfulness by consumers of sexual reorientation therapy", {{{journal}}} 332–42 and Haldeman, Douglas (2004), "When Sexual and Religious Orientation Collide:Considerations in Working with Conflicted Same-Sex Attracted Male Clients", The Counseling Psychologist 691. Each have discovered that there are gay people for whom gay affirmative therapy is not helpful. This has lead the American Psychological Associate to issue a statement which reads "Mental health professional organizations call on their members to respect a person's (client's) right to selfdetermination".[49] When dealing with these gay patients, they have determined that the appropriate application of affirmative therapeutic interventions is one which "involves therapist acceptance, support, and understanding of clients and the facilitation of clients’ active coping, social support, and identity exploration and development, without imposing a specific sexual orientation identity outcome." [Report of the APA Task Force on Appropriate Therapeutic Responses to Sexual Orientation http://www.apa.org/pi/lgbt/resources/sexual-orientation.aspx]
7. [retour]  Some have accused the church of denying a group of people their civil right to marry based on their sexual orientation. This is not true. Nowhere is there any requirement based on sexual orientation in order to marry. People of all sexual orientations get married in all parts of the world. Many members with same-sex attractions have been able to form fulfilling and faithful marriages to people of the opposite sex. Marriage, as defined by God, is a union between a man and a woman, and everyone is allowed to participate. Political involvement by the church has been focused on protecting this definition. Same-sex marriage is not really a marriage by the definition given by God and is therefore not a civil right. Elder Oaks explains: "The Church does not consider same-sex marriage to be a civil right. We have endured a wave of media-reported charges that the Mormons are trying to "deny" people or "strip" people of their "rights." After a significant majority of California voters (seven million - over 52 percent) approved Proposition 8’s limiting marriage to a man and a woman, some opponents characterized the vote as denying people their civil rights. In fact, the Proposition 8 battle was not about civil rights, but about what equal rights demand and what religious rights protect. At no time did anyone question or jeopardize the civil right of Proposition 8 opponents to vote or speak their views."
8. [retour]  (Dallin Oaks, "Our strengths can become our downfall, " Ensign, October, 1994, 19.
9. [retour] Oaks, Dallin H., (1999), Weightier Matters , BYU Devotional speech:
10. [retour]  [

http://www.newsroom.lds.org/ldsnewsroom/eng/commentary/the-divine-institution-of-marriage The Divine Institution of Marriage]

1. [retour]  Statement Given to Salt Lake City Council on Nondiscrimination Ordinances