Women

Mother’s Day may be the most ironic of holidays. It is calculated to be a time to pay homage and respect to women. It is an opportunity for women to look back with satisfaction on what they have accomplished. But so often, women can be made to feel embarrassed by the attention and discouraged by comparisons to the idealized version of motherhood. In response to the marvelous webpage the Church recently posted called “Motherhood,” one mother wrote about how disappointed she was at the statement that Motherhood is “the highest, holiest service assumed by humankind.” She explained that motherhood is a mere biological function, and that her highest calling is to become like Christ, not to simply give birth. I am afraid that many modern mothers see their roles as mothers in this way. And at the risk of further embarrassing mothers with attention, or discouraging them with a seemingly impossible comparison, I want to suggest that while it is true that a mother’s highest calling is to become like Christ, it is through acting in her role as a mother that this highest calling is actualized.

A few years ago, I had the opportunity to meet Dr. Valerie Hudson and hear her talk about her ideas regarding the status of women in the Church.[1] While Dr. Hudson was a professor of political science at Brigham Young University, she was listed as one of the “100 Top Global Thinkers of 2009″ by Foreign Policy Magazine for her work in showing that the status of women in a society is linked to the fate of their nations with regard to their domestic stability, prosperity and national security. Her political ideas are interesting to me and have important significance for world affairs. However, her ideas as they relate to the gospel are even more interesting and have eternal significance.

Of course, when talking about women and the priesthood, there are many things we don’t know or understand, and it is easy to hurt people’s feelings, especially on Mother’s Day. In that regard, I would like to make it clear that Dr. Hudson’s ideas, and the things I have to add, are only one way of looking at things. They do not answer every question, but I hope it will help shed some light on some issues.

Like so many things in the gospel, the foundation for these ideas goes back to the beginning. As spirit children of our Father and Mother in heaven, we desired to become like them. But we could only do so if we received bodies and the opportunity a mortal life would give us to grow, and to be tested to see if we were worthy to exercise the same power that is exercised by God.

I can imagine that we must have watched as Adam and Eve went to Earth and were placed in a garden, located eastward in Eden.[2] They were first told to “Be fruitful, and multiply, and [to fill][3] the Earth.”[4] This would allow the rest of us to enter mortality, and give us the chance to gain bodies, gain experience, and be tested.

However, in their initial state of innocence and immortality, they were unable to have children.[5] So among all the other trees in the garden, there were two that were more important than the others. There was the Tree of Life, which had fruit that would allow Adam and Eve to live forever, and there was the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, which would make them mortal, but able to have children.[6] The fruit of this tree was the only one that would allow Adam and Eve to have the experiences they needed to be able to grow and progress toward becoming as Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother.[7]

As Eve, the mother of all living, decided to partake of the fruit and then offer it to Adam, we must have rejoiced as we understood that as Eve offered this fruit to Adam, she was also giving all of us the opportunity to pass through the veil that divided us from mortality in order to come to this Earth. Throughout history, Eve has stood as a symbol to the world of the folly of women, and the way in which women have only brought evil into the world. However, through the restoration of the gospel through Joseph Smith, we have learned that Eve is to be respected, admired and revered for her wisdom and willingness to leave paradise so she may help all of us to receive bodies, to be tested, and gain the experience we need in order to become as our Heavenly Father and Mother.

Of course, once we passed through the veil and came to this Earth, it is our hope that we may pass back through the veil and live forever in the presence of God. Before doing so, we must be able to partake of the fruit of the other tree, the Tree of Life. The problem for us now, is that as we experience mortality, and gain the experience we need to become like God, we invariably sin and become unworthy to live with God. After Adam and Eve became mortal, God barred the way to the Tree of Life in order to help protect us from living forever in our sins and being forever shut out from the presence of God.[8] So before partaking of the fruit of the Tree of Life, and passing through the veil back into the presence of God, we must become cleansed of our sins through the atonement of Christ. In order to do this, we must have faith, repent, and be baptized by water and by the Holy Ghost.

The ordinances of baptism and confirmation, which enable us to become clean, are administered by those who hold the priesthood. So, Eve stood at the veil by the Tree of Knowledge to help us to pass through the veil to enter into mortality, and Adam, who holds the priesthood, stands at the veil by the Tree of Life, to help us pass back through the veil to enter into eternal life. We could not experience eternal life, and live as God lives, without the roles played by both Adam and Eve. Both roles are essential. One is not more important than the other. Just as Adam hearkened unto Eve in partaking of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge, Eve should hearken unto Adam as they make their way toward the Tree of Life.

Every mother is like Eve in that she stands at the veil and helps spirit children of our Heavenly Father enter into mortality. Fathers who hold the priesthood usher us back toward the veil and give us access to the Fruit of the Tree of Life through administration of the priesthood ordinances.

Of course, all of the ordinances of salvation are performed in our temple buildings. Paul teaches that our bodies are temples since temples are where the Spirit of God dwells, and the Spirit of God should dwell also in us.[9] Beyond this, in the ordinances of the priesthood there seem to be additional ways in which a woman’s body is analogous to a temple, where these ordinances take place.

In the Book of Moses, we read that being born again through baptism by water and by the Holy Ghost is analogous to our first birth. In Moses 6:59, we read that “inasmuch as ye were born into the world by water, and blood, and the spirit, . . . even so ye must be born again into the kingdom of heaven, of water, and of the Spirit, and be cleansed by blood, even the blood of mine Only Begotten; that ye might be sanctified from all sin, and enjoy the words of eternal life in this world, and eternal life in the world to come, even immortal glory.”

In the temple, we also receive protective clothing. Similarly, a spirit is clothed with a body when it enters the temple of a mother’s body.[10] In the temple, the way to the celestial room is covered by a veil. Similarly, women in the temple wear veils. That which is most holy in the temple, is covered by a veil.

I think it is significant, when we think about all of the ordinances that are necessary to our exaltation, that while we all need to be baptized and confirmed, washed, anointed, endowed and sealed, only men need to enter into the oath and covenant of the priesthood. We know that the covenants we make are intended to help us to grow and to become perfected. So with respect to attaining perfection, it seems that women already have something that is lacking in men. As Elder Matthew Cowley taught, “men have to have something given to them [in mortality] to make them saviors of men, but not mothers, not women. [They] are born with an inherent right, an inherent authority, to be the saviors of human souls … and the regenerative force in the lives of God’s children.”[11]

We are further told by Paul that while women need men to be exalted, men also cannot be exalted without women. Paul wrote: “Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.” Thus, we are exalted together.[12]

As we consider the roles of men and women, we may tend to think that men’s roles are more important. Once we pass through the veil and receive the gift of physical life that is given to us by our mothers, the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge, as we make our way around the circle of life back toward the veil, to receive the gift of spiritual life, the fruit from the Tree of Life, we may become focused on the role that men play in this regard and mistakenly think that it is more important. Our backs are turned toward the Tree of Knowledge as we face the Tree of Life.

The terminology and customs we use in this fallen world sometimes also lend themselves to this improper ordering. The fact that men and women have different roles to play does not mean men and women are unequal. People can be different and still be equal.

Unfortunately, throughout the history of the world, Satan seems to have been at work confusing the roles of men and women and at times, leading the world to believe men are more important than women and more recently, teaching that men’s and women’s roles are the same or even that men are irrelevant. The messages we receive are confusing. We receive guidance from the scriptures, but even the scriptures can be difficult to understand. We read in the scriptures that Eve was told by God that “Thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.”[13] Modern-day revelation can help in this regard. Commenting on this scripture, President Spencer W. Kimball said: “I have a question about the word rule. It gives the wrong impression. I would prefer to use the word preside because that’s what he does. A righteous husband presides over his wife and family”[14]

In the Proclamation to the World on the Family, we read: “By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.” So, what does it mean to say that men and women are equal, but that men preside?

Whatever else “preside” means, it cannot mean that the man is superior to the woman since in the same paragraph we read that fathers and mothers are equal partners. Therefore, presiding is simply a role fathers play that is equal to the role played by mothers. It is perhaps helpful in this regard to note that Elder Dallin Oaks stated that when his father died, it was not the young deacon Dallin Oaks who presided in the home, but his mother presided over his family.[15]

Elder Oaks clarified the responsibility to preside by quoting President Spencer W. Kimball when he said: “When we speak of marriage as a partnership, let us speak of marriage as a full partnership. We do not want our LDS women to be silent partners or limited partners in that eternal assignment! Please be a contributing and full partner”[16] President Kimball also declared, “We have heard of men who have said to their wives, ‘I hold the priesthood and you’ve got to do what I say.’” He said that such a man “should not be honored in his priesthood”[17] So it is highly significant that the Proclamation on the Family states that men are to preside “in love and righteousness.”

Paul was perhaps elaborating on this concept when he wrote: “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church…. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it”[18] This is a different kind of leadership than the world is familiar with that would require the one who is at the head to give his life for the others.

The fact that men and women are intended to be seen as equals is suggested at, and in places explicit, though often misunderstood, in the creation story.  Elder Russell Nelson noted that: “From the rib of Adam, Eve was formed (see Gen. 2:22; Moses 3:22; Abr. 5:16).” He continued: “I presume another bone could have been used, but the rib, coming as it does from the side, seems to denote partnership. The rib signifies neither dominion nor subservience, but a lateral relationship as partners, to work and to live, side by side.”[19]

A more direct example is that God said that since it is not good that man should be alone, he would make “an help meet for him.”[20] This sounds to modern ears a lot like a servant. However, the word here for “help meet” is “ezer k’enegdo.” Diana Webb in her book Forgotten Women of God clarifies this word by explaining,”The noun ezer occurs 21 times in the Hebrew Bible. In eight of these instances the word means “savior”…. Elsewhere in the Bible, the root ezer means “strength…. the word is most frequently used to describe how God is an ezer to man.”[21] [22]

The other part of the term “help meet” which is commonly translated as “meet for” or “fit for” is the word “k’enegdo”. This word could possibly be most correctly translated as “exactly corresponding to,” like when you look at yourself in a mirror.[23]

With these ideas in mind, author Beverly Campbell in her book, Eve and Choice Made in Eden suggested that a better translation of this verse might be: “It is not good that man should be alone. I will make him a companion of strength and power who has a saving power and is equal with him.”[24]

So in what way are women saviors to mankind? Blogger Heather Farrell explained it in this way: “Women are ‘saviors’ to men by the fact that they give them life and nurture them towards the light of Christ. By conceiving, creating and bearing mortal bodies women make it possible for God’s children to start on their mortal journey and have the opportunity to become perfected. Without women there would be no gateway into this world and no opportunity for progress or exaltation. In addition, by being willing to sacrifice (their very lives if necessary) to bring children into this world women demonstrate the true meaning of charity. [Note that it also shows obedience and a willingness to consecrate.] From the very first breath a child takes he or she has been the recipient of charity and unconditional love. This is a powerful gift that a mother gives her child and it will be her love which will first remind the child of God and points him or her towards Christ. Each woman, regardless of her ability to give birth, is a savior to mankind when she loves men and nurtures a child closer to Christ.”[25]

As a man and a father, I stand in awe of women who are willing to give birth. Three of my own children were delivered by C-section, two of which were in emergency situations after 24 hours of hard labor. I have a sister who has experienced exceptionally difficult pregnancies and likens pregnancy, with no hint of exaggeration, to walking through the valley of the shadow of death. And yet, women continue to have children. Christ said that there is no greater love laying down your life for others.[26] Mothers show this willingness every time they give birth, and continue to exhibit this Christ-like attribute in the way that they sacrifice of themselves for their children throughout the rest of their lives.

Of course, in light of the miraculous power of motherhood, and the endless opportunities for service, where would men be in the grand scheme of things without the opportunity to exercise the priesthood? Of course, the priesthood is not the power to order others around or compel others to obey one’s will, but it is an opportunity to bless the lives of others through service. We learn in the Doctrine and Covenants that the priesthood only operates “upon the principles of righteousness.” Men may be ordained to the priesthood, “but when we undertake to cover our sins, or to gratify our pride, our vain ambition, or to exercise control or dominion or compulsion upon the souls of the children of men, in any degree of unrighteousness, behold, the heavens withdraw themselves; the Spirit of the Lord is grieved; and when it is withdrawn, Amen to the priesthood or the authority of that man.”[27] We further read that “No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of thepriesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; Bykindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge thesoul withouthypocrisy, and without  guile.” [28] Isn’t it interesting that these are the same ways in which power and influence is maintained by a mother: by persuasion, long-suffering, gentleness, meekness and by love unfeigned. And isn’t it interesting that Christ Himself, in speaking of his desire to save the Jews of Jerusalem, compares himself not to a proud rooster, but to a protective mother hen.[29]

Now as we talk about motherhood, some women will unfortunately feel excluded. In this regard, I love the words of Sheri Dew, the former General Relief Society President who, of course, has never borne children. She said: “While we tend to equate motherhood solely with maternity, in the Lord’s language, the word mother has layers of meaning. Of all the words they could have chosen to define her role and her essence, both God the Father and Adam called Eve “the mother of all living”—and they did so before she ever bore a child. Like Eve, … motherhood began before [women] were born. Just as worthy men were foreordained to hold the priesthood in mortality, righteous women were endowed premortally with the privilege of motherhood. Motherhood is more than bearing children, though it is certainly that. It is the essence of who … women [are]. It defines [their] very identity, [their] divine stature and nature, and the unique traits our Father gave [women]…. Motherhood is not what was left over after our Father blessed His sons with priesthood ordination. It was the most ennobling endowment He could give His daughters, a sacred trust that gave women an unparalleled role in helping His children keep their second estate. As President J. Reuben Clark Jr. declared, motherhood is “as divinely called, as eternally important in its place as the Priesthood itself.”[30]

Note various ways in which the word “mother” is used, not just as a noun referring to a person who has given birth. It is often used as a verb meaning: to care for, nurture, protect, teach, befriend, guide, sometimes indulge, oftentimes to discipline, but always to love.

Note too that one of the central purposes of this life is to gain experience for the life to come. Not all men will be fathers or hold the priesthood in this life. Not all women will get married or have children in this life. It is interesting to find in the scriptures that every woman who is called “barren” eventually bears children of her own. This may be a lesson to us that whether in this life or the next, if we are true and faithful to the light we receive in this life, the experience we gain here will prepare us to receive every blessing God has in store for us in eternity. In Isaiah we read: “Sing O barren, thou that didst not bear; break forth into singing, and cry aloud, thou that didst not travail with child: for more are the children of the desolate than the children of the married wife, saith the Lord… For a small moment have I forsaken thee; but with great mercies will I gather thee.”[31]

So the experience and calling of motherhood is available to all women. If we are not careful, it is possible to see it as a mere biological function. However, even as a biological function, motherhood is divine and has salvific powers. As women clothe the spirit children of heavenly parents with bodies, mothers share in the creative process of God. They provide opportunities for these children to make further progress toward exaltation. If women were not willing to give birth, the work of God in bringing to pass the eternal life of mankind would be utterly frustrated. And after acting as co-creators with God, once children are here, it is through acting in the role of motherhood that women develop and display the most divine of attributes. Through their sacrifice and service, they show Christ-like love. They show a willingness to make further progress toward becoming like Christ themselves. And when any of us show a wiliness to give our lives for others, whether it is through the process of childbirth or the process of dedicating our lives to nurturing, protecting, teaching, and loving others, it is the highest, holiest service assumed by humankind.

[1] http://www.fairmormon.org/perspectives/fair-conferences/2010-fair-conference/2010-the-two-trees

[2] Gen. 2:8.

[3] The word “replenish” is rendered from the Hebrew word “fill.” (See footnote to Gen. 1:28.)

[4] Gen. 1:28.

[5] 2 Ne. 2:23.

[6] 2 Ne. 2:23.

[7] Moses 5:11.

[8] Alma 42:2-5.

[9] 1 Cor. 6:19.

[10] Note that the tabernacle in the wilderness was covered in skins.

[11] Matthew Cowley Speaks, (1954), 109.

[12] 1 Cor. 11:11

[13] Gen. 3:16.

[14] “The Blessings and Responsibilities of Womanhood,” Ensign, Mar. 1976, 72.

[15] http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2005/10/priesthood-authority-in-the-family-and-the-church?lang=eng

[16] The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, ed. Edward L. Kimball [1982], 315.

[17] The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, 316.

[18] Eph. 5:23 & 25.

[19] Russell M. Nelson, “Lessons from Eve,” Ensign, Nov 1987, 86.

[20] Gen. 2:18.

[21] See Strongs as well as discussion here: http://womeninthescriptures.blogspot.com/2010/11/real-meaning-of-term-help-meet.html and here: http://godswordtowomen.org/help.htm

[22] “For example the word “ebenezer” in 1 Samuel 7:12 is used to describe the power of God’s deliverance. “Eben” means rock and “ezer” means “help” or “salvation“. Ebenezer therefore means “rock of help” or “rock of salvation”. The root “ezer” is the same word that God used to describe to Adam who Eve was. She was not intended to be just his helper or his companion, rather she was intended to be his savior, his deliverer.” http://womeninthescriptures.blogspot.com/2010/11/real-meaning-of-term-help-meet.html

[23] The other part of the term “help meet” which is commonly translated as “meet for” or “fit for” is the word “k’enegdo”. It is hard to know exactly what the word k’enegdo means because it only appears once in the entire Bible. Yet Diana Webb explained that, “Neged, a related word which means “against”, was one of the first words I learned in Hebrew. I thought it was very strange that God would create a companion for Adam that was “against” him! Later, I learned that kenegdo could also mean “in front of” or “opposite.” This still didn’t help much. Finally I heard it explained as being “exactly corresponding to,” like when you look at yourself in a mirror.”http://womeninthescriptures.blogspot.com/2010/11/real-meaning-of-term-help-meet.html

[24] P. 25.

[25] http://womeninthescriptures.blogspot.com/2010/11/real-meaning-of-term-help-meet.html

[26] John 15:13.

[27] D&C 121:36-37.

[28] D&C 121:41-42.

[29] Matt. 23:37.

[30] Are We Not All Mothers, Ensign. Nov. 2001

[31] Isa. 54:1, 7.

* Note that the original footnote 11 of this piece has been removed. That footnote expanded on the concept of a woman’s body being analogous to a temple. Some people found the references to female anatomy to be objectionable. In order to avoid potentially offending others and distracting people from the main point of the piece, I have removed the footnote.

By Cal Robinson and Juliann Reynolds

The internet is buzzing in response to the March 17th news release written by Jessica Moody of Public Affairs to the leaders of Ordain Women (OW) on “behalf of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints”:
Women in the Church, by a very large majority, do not share your advocacy for priesthood ordination for women and consider that position to be extreme. Declaring such an objective to be non-negotiable, as you have done, actually detracts from the helpful discussions that Church leaders have held as they seek to listen to the thoughts, concerns, and hopes of women inside and outside of Church leadership. Ordination of women to the priesthood is a matter of doctrine that is contrary to the Lord’s revealed organization for His Church.
The point here is not to reiterate the Church’s position. It is made very clear in the statement above. Rather, the purpose is to address how best to help members have a more respectful dialogue. A recent Trib Talk provides an excellent discussion by three dynamic women with differing viewpoints. Jennifer Napier-Pearce questioned Kate Kelly (the spokesperson for Ordain Women [1]), Neylan McBaine (editor of the Mormon Women Project [2]), and Julie Smith (blogger on Times and Season [3]).

McBaine and Smith take issue with the need for priesthood ordination and the methods being used by Ordain Women to achieve it. However, all three women look forward to more inclusion and recognition of women, echoing a sentiment of President Linda K. Burton of the General Relief Society that the church would benefit as “men’s vision of the capacity of women becomes more complete.” [4] But most striking was that all three were in complete agreement that the insults and ridicule directed at OW and its members from some of those defending the Church is “horrific.” [5]

Rather than engaging in a respectful and compassionate discussion of what is obviously an extremely divisive topic, many participants have responded with derogatory and dismissive remarks.  Often we are unaware of how our comments are viewed by others. By always responding with kindness in our disagreement, we will be better able to create a safe space for all, without pushing those who feel marginalized to the more extreme positions.  President Uchtdorf explains, “[W]hen it comes to our own prejudices and grievances, we too often justify our anger as righteous and our judgment as reliable and exclusively appropriate. Though we cannot look into another’s heart, we assume that we know a bad motive or even a bad person when we see one. We make exceptions when it comes to our own bitterness because we feel that, in our case, we have all the information we need to hold someone else in contempt.” [6]
Of equal concern are those well-intentioned counter arguments to women’s ordination that not only diminish women in general, but the priesthood itself.  Any defense that involves a refusal of the priesthood as if it was just one more thing to add to an already full schedule is no defense. Likewise, declaring that its primary purpose is to force men to be responsible is not consistent with statements by church leaders that describe the role of the Priesthood with utmost reverence. For example, Elder John H. Groberg said in the April 2001 Priesthood Session, “I hope we appreciate the priceless privilege of holding the priesthood of God. Its value is unfathomable. ” [7] Comparing the authority and power of God to everyday tasks in an effort to convince women they shouldn’t want the priesthood certainly does not elevate or show respect for such a priceless privilege.

Actual comments found on blogs and message boards, such as those shown below, provide examples of what not to say when discussing the priesthood:

1.  Questioning or dismissing women’s worthiness or faithfulness.

“[H]ow tainted by the “philosophies of men” have some women become.”
“These are not faithful women in our church! If so, you would not be questioning The Lord.”

2.  Questioning women’s motives.

“If I trusted that these agitating sisters were approaching things out of sincere and pure motives, I’d be the first to  sympathize…I see no indication that they are seeking it, wanting it, or even expecting it. They really are living beneath their privileges.”
“Why would women want the priesthood other than mortal pride or self satisfaction?”

3.  Questioning women’s knowledge or understanding.

“What I believe is happening is a group of uninformed women are fighting for something that they don’t even understand completely…They do not even understand what they are asking for!”
“I think that women who are seeking for the Priesthood, do not fully understand the nature of men, and how the Priesthood helps them.”

4.  Discounting men and/or the priesthood.

“[W]hy do you want the priesthood?…I feel like I have enough responsibilities in the church already. And I have never felt oppressed in those responsibilities.”
“Honestly, what earthly need would we have for men if the women should be ordained? Why would a father need to bless his children with the priesthood? Why have men run the organization of the church?”

5. Misrepresenting and mischaracterizing.

“Giving women the priesthood outside of their connection to the priesthood through their husbands would be the same as removing men altogether from the plan of salvation. At least it would be equivalent to removing women’s role as child bearers and nurturers.”
“If women received the priesthood, relief society would need to be disbanded and all would be in the elder’s quorum.”

6. Inviting them to leave the church.

“If these women are so unhappy there are plenty of other churches out there that [might] be more in line with [their] views about ordaining women into the priesthood…why would a person want to worship in a church they don’t agree with? Other than to advance some modern feminist agenda.”
“May I suggest that it would be a simple thing to find a church who ordains women to the priesthood?”

 7. Calling out Satan to finish the job.

“I have seen many parallels to anti-Christs in the Book of Mormon. That does not mean that I am judging all of these individuals as anti-Christ; but, they indeed appear to be pawns in Lucifer’s hands.”

These are only a few examples of common sentiments and may leave some wondering what would be a better response. Church leadership has provided a number of examples of Christlike approaches, particularly that of Ruth M. Todd (Church Public Affairs) in her interaction with OW last October as they attempted to gain admission to the Priesthood session of General Conference. [8]

First, Sister Todd was clear in stating the Church’s position. She said, “This meeting is all about strengthening the men of our church, so this is no surprise to you, that we won’t be able to offer you a ticket or a place to see it…Millions of women in this church do not share the views of this small group that has come and organized this
protest today…And some of the members feel this is very divisive as well.”

Sister Todd then reached out with charity, saying, “Even so, these are our sisters, and we want them in our church. And we hope they find the peace and joy we all seek in the gospel of Jesus Christ.” She spoke directly with everyone she could, going down the line and taking them by the hand. She engaged them as individuals rather than as opponents or outsiders with the assurance, “I am so happy to know you…”

Why does the way we speak to each other matter? The gospel is supposed to be a refuge for all. It welcomes all, and so must we as church members. A quick look at the Mormon Women Project website or the member profiles on mormon.org shows the dazzling array of cultures, opinions and personalities that have found a haven in the church. It’s completely acceptable to voice disagreement with OW’s purpose; what is not acceptable is to deny these women, our sisters in the church, the same attempt at love and reconciliation that we would extend to others whose viewpoints are more in line with our own.
If Neylan McBaine, Julie Smith, and Kate Kelly can have a heartfelt discussion despite their fundamental disagreement over the ordination of women, so can we. For those of us who reject the belief that ordination is a necessary step in spiritual progression for women and for the church, and as we support our leaders, we should remember President Uchtdorf’s counsel against contributing to a soul-breaking rift in our Church family when he said, “If you are tempted to give up: Stay yet a little longer. There is room for you here.” [9]

We can share his message not only those who have left the faith, but also with members who may wonder if they are even still welcome.  We can stop the rejection, insults, and condemnation and make a place on the pew for all who want to follow Christ.

Note: “This topic of judging others could actually be taught in a two-word sermon. When it comes to hating, gossiping, ignoring, ridiculing, holding grudges, or wanting to cause harm, please apply the following:

Stop it!

It’s that simple. We simply have to stop judging others and replace judgmental thoughts and feelings with a heart full of love for God and His children. God is our Father. We are His children. We are all brothers and sisters. I don’t know exactly how to articulate this point of not judging others with sufficient eloquence, passion, and persuasion to make it stick. I can quote scripture, I can try to expound doctrine, and I will even quote a bumper sticker I recently saw. It was attached to the back of a car whose driver appeared to be a little rough around the edges, but the words on the sticker taught an insightful lesson. It read, ‘Don’t judge me because I sin differently than you.’”   “The Merciful Obtain Mercy”, President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Second Counselor of the First Presidency, April 2012 General Conference, https://www.lds.org/…-mercy?lang=eng

Footnotes

1: http://ordainwomen.org/ Kate Kelly is also an international human rights attorney.  Kelly has stated that the goal of OrdainWomen is “[t]o improve the situation of women in the church and to achieve fundamental equality. . . we want to not only be consulted about decisions but we want to be part of the decision making  process. We want to bless the lives of others and we want to be transformed by what we know is the power of God.”  She adds, “We believe in the priesthood and we believe it is the power of God. Otherwise, none of this would be worth it.” See http://www.sltrib.co…church.html.csp

2: http://www.mormonwomen.com/ Neylan McBaine works for Bonneville Communications as a brand strategist, including on the “I am a Mormon” project. McBaine states her stance on women’s roles in the Church as “There are many things that we could be and should be doing in the church to increase the way we see, hear, and use women in our local administration and the general administration.  I think where we diverge is the root cause of the problem…I don’t believe that the doctrine of the priesthood is the root cause of that.” See http://www.sltrib.co…church.html.csp

3: http://www.timesands…JulieIntro.html Julie M. Smith is also the author of the book Search, Ponder, and Pray: A Guide to the Gospels.  Smith sees the core of the contention to be “[t]he methods OW uses [which] are alienating to a lot of people, I think they provoke a backlash and I think they are fundamentally foreign to Mormonism.” See http://www.sltrib.co…church.html.csp

4:   http://www.nytimes.c…tw-nytimes&_r=2

5: Julie M. Smith:  “I have to say I find it largely disheartening, while I don’t support OW, a lot of the response has been horrible.  I have heard comments about being burned at the stake and vitriol along those lines.”

Neylan McBaine:  “The response has been horrific. One of the things I hope that we are modeling here, and what I have tried to do throughout my entire time in this conversation, is model the Christlike respectful conversation that makes our points very clear but also is understanding and respectful of the other point of view.  So I would just add my plea to all of us to bridge the conversations that are happening online with what we know is right and with what we are enacting in our Sunday experiences.”

6: “The Merciful Obtain Mercy”, President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Second Counselor of the First Presidency, April 2012 General Conference, https://www.lds.org/…-mercy?lang=eng

7: “Priesthood Power”, Elder John H. Groberg, April 2001 General Conference, https://www.lds.org/general-conference/sessions/2001/04?lang=eng

8:  Ruth Todd’s comments were reported in numerous articles and videos.  In our opinion, the fullest treatment with all the included quotes is available in the video at: http://fox13now.com/…for-that-right/

9:  “Come, Join with Us”, President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, October 2013 General Conference, https://www.lds.org/…ith-us?lang=eng