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Turn to God

by Autumn Dickson

For this week, we read the account of the First Vision of Joseph Smith. It is nearly impossible to overestimate the gravity of this event in the backdrop of the history of mankind, and we have it readily available to read and learn about it. When we read about what Joseph learned through this experience, we can learn a lot of direct truths that had been lost over time. There were doctrines that were explicitly laid out.

There are also a lot of gospel principles to be found indirectly as we read Joseph’s account. As we liken his story to our own story, we can find direction for where we’re supposed to go when we face similar experiences. Here is just one portion of the experience that Joseph recorded. Joseph had watched as religious fervor had overtaken the area and people were branching off into various Christian sects. It was all extremely passionate and intense.

Joseph Smith History 1:6 For, notwithstanding the great love which the converts to these different faiths expressed at the time of their conversion, and the great zeal manifested by the respective clergy, who were active in getting up and promoting this extraordinary scene of religious feeling, in order to have everybody converted, as they were pleased to call it, let them join what sect they pleased; yet when the converts began to file off, some to one party and some to another, it was seen that the seemingly good feelings of both the priests and the converts were more pretended than real; for a scene of great confusion and bad feeling ensued—priest contending against priest, and convert against convert; so that all their good feelings one for another, if they ever had any, were entirely lost in a strife of words and a contest about opinions.

Joseph found himself entrenched in religious hypocrisy. There are fewer hypocrisies that can be more damaging than the religious type.

We testify that we have the restored gospel on the earth. We testify that Christ is leading our church. I believe this to be true. In the same breath, this true church is being guided and utilized and lived by imperfect people. Within our wards and stakes, we find cliques, strife, pride, self-righteousness, Pharisaical zeal, and greed. We find abusers of power and secrets behind closed doors. I’m not trying to disparage the church. I believe we have the truth and authority. I also know that there are problems in numerous circumstances caused by imperfect people, sometimes done innocently and others done with nefarious intentions. Pretending this isn’t true just leads to disillusionment and a lack of progress.

Joseph’s parents stressed personal religion but disagreed on some religious aspects. While Joseph’s mother affiliated with the Methodists, Joseph’s father resisted organized religion. He eventually joined a Universalist society that argued religious sects weren’t important.

It would have been easy for Joseph to feel rather lost in regards to religion, and in many ways, he did feel lost. He observed his parents moving in different religious directions, and he observed plenty of issues within the church organizations available to him. It would have been easy for Joseph to just turn away from it altogether. It would have been easy to view it as a useless endeavor.

Luckily, Joseph’s parents did stress that personal religion, and this is precisely the principle I want to teach today.

When in doubt, we turn directly to God. Anything else will be insufficient in the face of confusion and disillusionment.

This is precisely what Joseph did, and it was a blessing in his own life as well as millions of others. When we run into issues in the church and feel, “This isn’t right,” we don’t have to turn our back on the entire institution in order to feel peace again. If you turned away from any imperfect system on earth, you would be turning your back on every system on earth. They are all run with imperfect people; there is no getting around that.

The only thing that has truly brought me peace as I’ve faced issues in the church is my relationship with Jesus Christ. I have tried various methods throughout the years, and some were sufficient for a time, and some led me in good directions. But ultimately, everything was inadequate without the Lord. I have tried ignoring, explaining away, finding scapegoats, and a myriad of other choices. It is only in the times that I’ve turned to the Lord and remembered my relationship with Him and who He is that I have found the peace that I was looking for. I find that the issues are so much smaller than all that I’ve been given. The hiccups are nothing compared to the goodness I find in the relationship I have with Jesus Christ.

A disclaimer…

Joseph turned to the Lord and found his very clear answer. He received what he had asked for. This is what many of us are searching for when we find ourselves faced with the same issues of confusion and disillusionment, but I have a disclaimer. Joseph’s story didn’t end there. It wasn’t a happy ending yet; it was the beginning of an arduous journey that would require everything of him.

I’m here telling you to turn to the Lord in order to find peace, but I feel that I should also make this disclaimer. Immediately as Joseph turned to the Lord, he found himself plunged into more darkness than he was before. Logically, we would think that the Lord would answer immediately when we have found ourselves in confusion and turn to Him. If He wants us to remain in the church so badly, wouldn’t He make that a bit clearer?

But for whatever reason (because there are likely various reasons all tailored to individual circumstances), the Lord doesn’t choose this path. When Joseph turned to Him, Joseph found himself in greater darkness than he had ever yet experienced.

It’s laughable to think that Satan would be trying to fight off God to prevent the First Vision. As I originally read this passage this week, I remember thinking, “That’s cute Satan; has that ever worked for you before?” But then I realized that Satan wasn’t trying to fight God and His light; Satan was trying to fight Joseph. Satan can’t beat God, and he knows that. But Satan also knows that he has won against us before, and that is what he seeks to do. If he can sever the connection between us and our Heavenly Father, he wins.

But that is only my first disclaimer. When we run into issues with the church and we make the valiant decision to turn to the Lord and rely on Him, we may find ourselves in more darkness than we previously found. This doesn’t need to scare us. We can recognize Satan and thwart him and hold on. Satan has no power over God, and he has no power over us unless we give it to him. There is a reason God allows the existence of darkness; it is not a sign that it’s time to turn your back on knowledge you’ve been given. It is an opportunity to hold out for more light.

The second disclaimer is that Joseph’s story still didn’t end there. Joseph received this miraculous vision, and then the heavens went silent. FOR THREE YEARS.

For three years, Joseph got nothing. And then even more years passed before the real work of restoring the gospel began.

When we choose to turn to the Lord, it doesn’t mean immediate deliverance from confusion. It doesn’t mean immediate answers or even peace. Sometimes it means more darkness. Sometimes there are long pauses and silence. We may find ourselves asking, “Why? I’m trying to follow You! Why are You making it so hard to do so?”

I cannot tell you why the Lord allows for periods of darkness, doubt, and confusion, and I can only testify that He does and I testify that He does it for a wise purpose in Him. Facing darkness and doubt and confusion do not have to be the end. We get to choose! We get to choose to remember the moments when He did answer, and we get to choose whether we’re going to remain loyal to those moments that we have received.

In the end, we may not get a bigger answer because we held on for longer. It is more likely that in the end, we will be better and stronger and more exalted because we held on for longer. Sometimes, the changes we find in ourselves can be some of the biggest testimonies of the truthfulness of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

I testify of a wise and loving Savior. I testify that only turning to Him will save us. I testify that having a relationship with Jesus Christ brings more joy and peace than any other avenue. I testify that He and His Father answer our prayers, and I also testify that they allow for periods of time for us to be tested. They know that periods of testing means that we will make mistakes and that some of us will choose to walk away, but there was no other way. They had to provide opportunities for us to choose our relationship with Them to the extent that They choose Their relationship with us. They don’t bail when They run into hiccups with us; the least we can do is hold on and trust. I testify that moments of confusion and darkness and periods of silence eventually give way to two things: greater light and a more exalted us. I testify that we can find these results if we choose to hold on to that relationship with our Savior.

 

Autumn Dickson was born and raised in a small town in Texas. She served a mission in the Indianapolis Indiana mission. She studied elementary education but has found a particular passion in teaching the gospel. Her desire for her content is to inspire people to feel confident, peaceful, and joyful about their relationship with Jesus Christ and to allow that relationship to touch every aspect of their lives. Autumn was the recipient of FAIR’s 2024 John Taylor Defender of the Faith Award.