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Perspectives on Corianton

by Autumn Dickson

In the chapters we’ve been reading lately, Alma is counseling with his sons. We read so many incredible sermons of missionaries and prophets to their people, but these are incredible messages given from father to sons. One of these messages is especially relevant today as Alma talks to his son Corianton. Corianton had been guilty of sexual sin. As the Come Follow Me manual so eloquently puts, it can be hard to know how to help our loved ones when they’ve made a big mistake.

I believe there are a couple of perspectives that can help us when we’re trying to know what to say or how to support. People can feel how you feel about them, even if it’s just subconsciously. If we have the right perspective going into the situation, they will be able to feel how we feel about them, and it will make all the difference in how they perceive whatever words come out of our mouths. There is no perfect way to respond, but if we have a correct knowledge of the Plan of Salvation and an accurate perspective of what we’re really looking at, it can be easier to set aside our own personal feelings and be there for those who need it.

The gravity of certain sins

Here is one of the things that Alma said to Corianton.

Alma 39:5-6

5 Know ye not, my son, that these things are an abomination in the sight of the Lord; yea, most abominable above all sins save it be the shedding of innocent blood or denying the Holy Ghost?

6 For behold, if ye deny the Holy Ghost when it once has had place in you, and ye know that ye deny it, behold, this is a sin which is unpardonable; yea, and whosoever murdereth against the light and knowledge of God, it is not easy for him to obtain forgiveness; yea, I say unto you, my son, that it is not easy for him to obtain a forgiveness.

So sexual sin is pretty high up there on the list of sins. If we were to weigh the gravity of sins, the most serious would be denying the Holy Ghost (this is a specific sin that most of us aren’t capable of). The second highest is shedding innocent blood, and the third is sexual sin.

A couple of weeks ago, I actually found myself pondering this idea of the gravity of sins (I suppose the Lord was preparing me for this week), and I remember distinctly thinking that it was interesting to find sexual sin right next to murder. Heavenly Father judges us by our hearts, and I want you to consider for a moment the state of the heart of those who murder vs. those who commit sexual sin.

I would wager that those who shed innocent blood have pretty dark hearts. Now compare the hard heart it would require to murder someone vs. the heart that commits sexual sin. I fully recognize that there are plenty of people out there who commit sexual sin with the intent to hurt, and I believe that there will be reckoning for that.

However, consider the hearts of those who made a mistake. Consider the hearts of the young teenagers who found themselves with too much freedom and undeveloped brains. Consider the hearts of two people who are about to get married. Please do not mistake me. I’m not seeking to excuse sin. I’m merely pointing out the difference in the hearts of those who murder and the hearts of those who commit sexual sin in a moment of weakness because there is a difference. Heavenly Father knows this.

So if Heavenly Father is judging us by our hearts, why is sexual sin right up there next to murder?

This is the perspective I wish to share that may help you know how you should approach your loved one. Namely, sometimes the gravity of sin is not weighed by our hearts but by the potential of consequences and the required healing.

A lot of the hearts that commit sexual sin are nowhere near as dark as those that commit murder. And yet, the fact remains. Even if your heart wasn’t dark, the potential for consequences and the need for healing remains. Even if it was a moment of weakness in the midst of a million successful evenings, the consequences can be painful.

The world doesn’t like us teaching the consequences of sin because they believe that we’re trying to scare people into doing what’s right. There are many positive reasons to keep the law of chastity, but it’s not wrong to teach my kids about how sexual sin can hurt them just like there’s nothing wrong with teaching my kid that they can get hit by a car for running out into the road. Having all the information, good and bad, can help our children make the right decisions.

I don’t want to hyperfocus on the consequences because this post isn’t about not committing sexual sin; it’s about having the right perspective to approach those we love. I believe that most adults can easily imagine all the potential consequences of sex, from a baby (and all of the options in that scenario) to how it changes a young brain. So instead let’s focus on how this perspective of hearts can change how we approach our loved ones.

The other side of repentance

Much of repentance is a true recognition of how sin affects us and others. It’s a realization that we don’t want to bring those kinds of results into the world, and it’s about rising above and choosing to live our life on a higher plane.

But the other side of the coin of repentance is healing. It is essential that we don’t neglect this portion of repentance if we truly want our loved ones to live at a higher plane. We don’t want them limping around the rest of their lives, carrying shame in a desperate attempt to not make mistakes anymore. No. We want them to fully heal. If you really want someone to choose the right, one of the most essential ingredients is that they need to feel good about themselves. Punishing myself and hating myself never led me to goodness, just perfectionism and there is a difference. When I learned to love myself, I wanted to treat myself better and take care of myself. Hating myself made it harder to do what was right because I didn’t care what happened to me.

The other positive aspect of healing is that it can nurture a deep appreciation for the Savior. If we can help our loved ones approach the Savior, they’re going to find something way more powerful than anything they can find in this world. At the end (and all throughout!) the repentance process, we want them to be feeling the effects of the Savior and His ability to wash away the darkest of sins. If you want your loved one to do what’s right, you introduce them to the Savior. Introducing them to the Savior means personally recognizing the state of their hearts, their need for healing, and then helping to deliver those things. Their deep gratitude for the Savior offers a deep propulsion to turn around and live happier lives.

The moment we offer love is important

Alma the Younger is the one delivering the message to his son, and this is so perfect. Alma the Younger came to a deep awareness of his sins. When did he start to feel better? The second he reached for Christ. His sins were washed away, and he praised the Lord. The Lord didn’t wait to deliver His love and healing and acceptance until after Alma went out and started trying to make up for his sins. No. The Lord flooded Alma with His love the second Alma’s heart was prepared to receive it, and because Alma was flooded with that love, Alma wanted to go out and do what was right.

The order of that is important. I feel like sometimes we want to withhold our love because we want them to feel the consequences of what they’ve done to discourage them from making those mistakes again. Ironically, it often comes from a place of love because we want them to be better. Unfortunately, it’s also coming from a place of fear which isn’t as helpful. Consequences can be a great way to not repeat mistakes, but only to an extent.

Think about how the Savior does it (because He obviously does it perfectly). He wields consequences, but He usually does so in response to hard hearts as He tries to soften them. He often responds to soft hearts with love, and that love changes them and turns their lives around. And let’s review what we know about the hearts of those who commit sexual sin. Yes, there are those who have hard hearts, but there are many who have made mistakes and need love instead if we want them to heal and come back from those mistakes.

Love immediately. Put yourself on their team immediately. Recognize that they’re going to experience consequences regardless of whether you deliver them yourself, and recognize where their hearts are sitting. You can help them understand the gravity if necessary, but in most scenarios, they’re already going to know and feel it.

What they don’t know is whether you still love them and whether you’ll still accept them. Helping them feel loved and accepted will be a precursor to their ability to let the Savior in to love, accept, and heal them to the extent that they are changed and want to be better.

I believe in a Savior who understands the consequences of sin. I believe that sexual sin can cause a great amount of heartache which is why the Lord seeks to protect us from it. I also believe that the Lord wants to heal and love, especially when we’re seeking, and I believe that allowing that love and healing throughout the entire process is more effective than sharp disapproval, cold shoulders, and fear. Love them so much that they love themselves and want better for themselves. Love them so much that they catch a glimpse of the Savior’s love and are able to accept His atonement on their behalf.

 

 

Autumn Dickson was born and raised in a small town in Texas. She served a mission in the Indianapolis Indiana mission. She studied elementary education but has found a particular passion in teaching the gospel. Her desire for her content is to inspire people to feel confident, peaceful, and joyful about their relationship with Jesus Christ and to allow that relationship to touch every aspect of their lives.