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FAIR is a non-profit organization dedicated to providing well-documented answers to criticisms of the doctrine, practice, and history of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
< Mormonism and gender issues | Women | Role in the Church
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Some critics charge that the LDS Church devalues those who are not married or who do not have children.
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A significant portion of adult Church members are single people. Their challenges and lifestyles are somewhat different than those of married members but Church leaders make ongoing efforts to acknowledge and respond to the needs of single members. Living as a single person is challenging both inside and outside the Church. It is not a difficulty limited to the LDS context. Within the Church, the promise that no eternal blessings will be witheld from worthy members simply because of their marital status is repeated over and over again. Church leaders have denounced mistreatments of single members and continue to call members of all marital statuses to positions of trust.
LDS teachings – like those of most every other belief system and culture throughout the history of the human family – regard formal, conjugal marriage relationships as vital social ideals. Among LDS people, marriage is not only a social ideal but a spiritual one. According to the scriptures, marriage is a requirement for the greatest blessings to which we can aspire. D&C 131:2
Of course, it is not possible for every LDS person to find someone suitable to marry. Due to death or divorce or other kinds of separation it’s not always possible for LDS people to stay married. This means many of us are single. In 2007, First Presidency member, James E. Faust, reported that one third of the adult membership of the Church was single. [1] It’s a substantial proportion but it’s still a minority. The fact is single LDS people live in a faith community comprised mostly of married couples. Naturally, it can be a challenging environment.
Some may feel life as a single person is less than ideal. But an ideal is “a conception of something in its absolute perfection.” [2] Married members of the Church don’t achieve perfection in their marriages during their lifetimes. Their lives are different from single people’s but they are also less than ideal. As the apostle Paul taught, all of us have “come short of the glory of God.” Rom 3:23 None of us – no matter what our marital status – is living an ideal life. In this we are all alike.
Speaking to single members, Church President, Gordon B. Hinckley said:
Fortunately, the time will come when Christ shall “wipe away all the tears” Rev 21:4 and bless all of his Father’s children with every blessing He can, including eternal marriages for people who lived their lives single.
Feelings of social awkwardness and marginalization are not limited to single people living in the LDS context. In popular Western culture, there’s a fairly steady stream of books, articles, and all kinds of other media produced about the difficulties of single life. People of all beliefs, not just LDS people, struggle to find a comfortable place in the world as singles. It is a widespread problem – one that was not created by the Church and one that cannot be escaped by avoiding the Church.
The challenges of single members are not unknown and unaddressed by Church leaders. President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, Boyd K. Packer, speaking of singlehood and childlessness among Church members, said:
Living as a single LDS person is more common for women than it is among men. In recognition of this, much of the counsel and consolation extended by Church leaders to single people is addressed specifically to women. This counsel includes assurances that members don’t have to settle for inappropriate marriage partners just to satisfy what may seem like little more than a formality. Joseph Fielding Smith taught:
Comments like these have become de rigueur when Church leaders teach about marriage and families. Efforts are constantly made to acknowledge and address the circumstances of adult members of the Church who are not married.
Among these circumstances is the reality that there is no monolithic LDS single person. Gordon B. Hinckley spoke of his distaste for the generic label “single”:
In the same address, President Hinckley condemned the thoughtless mistreatment of single members within LDS congregations, calling it “a tragedy” and “a betrayal.”
The New Testament contains the story of Anna, a woman called a “prophetess” who served in the temple at the time Jesus was born. By the time Mary brought the infant Jesus to the temple, Anna had been a widow for almost all of her long adult life. She was a single woman who was blessed for her faith and service with the privilege of recognizing and greeting the Lord. She had much to offer her community even though she had lived without a husband for eighty-four years. Luke 2:36-38
In the modern Church, single women also play important roles as leaders, teachers, and exemplars. One of the most storied women of the early days of the restored Church is Mary Feilding Smith, widow of Hyrum Smith, who crossed the plains from Nauvoo to Utah as a single mother. Emmeline B. Wells, the fifth General President of the Relief Society, was abandoned by her first husband. [7] Clearly, her status as a divorcee did not prevent her from holding a prominent leadership position.
More recently, counselors in the Relief Society General Presidency have included Barbara Thompson and Sheri L. Dew, neither of whom has ever been married. Upon being called, Sheri L. Dew introduced herself saying:
Along with singleness there often comes childlessness. Since most members of the LDS Church have children, single members who do not may feel doubly marginalized (though childlessness can be a struggle for married members too).
Fortunately, motherhood is not merely a demographic in Church. It is a spiritual gift that is not necessarily tied to reproductive success.
In 2001, Sheri Dew, taught,
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